In the Wild
TAYLOR LITTLEFIELD (30s, male, the host of a national geographic style nature show, “Littlefield’s Kingdom”) and GREGORY ARLINGTON (30s, male, a guest co-host) make their way through a dense shrubbery and come across a clearing in a park where a WOMAN quietly reads a book and eats a sandwich sitting on a park bench.
TAYLOR LITTLEFIELD: Oh my goodness! Oh, my goodness, get down, get down! Ok, now, slowly if you turn to your right- you will see- oh! Isn't she majestic?!
GREGORY ARLINGTON: Oh my-- is that a--
TAYLOR LITTLEFIELD: It is. We are in the presence of a North American Winged Intercourse Expletive, commonly known as a Flying Fuck.
GREGORY ARLINGTON: What a pleasure! These are extremely rare in this region, especially at this time of year.
TAYLOR LITTLEFIELD: Yes, they are usually native to warmer climates, found commonly on the West Coast and in the Caribbean...
GREGORY ARLINGTON: Oh! Ok- and if you look very closely, now- this is incredible- right next to it- that is a Midwestern Human Female Person--
TAYLOR LITTLEFIELD: I see her. Aw, just look at that fine black coat!
GREGORY ARLINGTON: And the black shirt and black skirt and black foundation undergarments--this is a real treat. Interesting fact about the Female Person: she is actually migratory, very adaptive, but it seems that this one has nested here in the Brooklyn region, they are commonly known for their long rambling voicemails, and extremely loud voices especially when saying something awkward at the same time there is one of those weird room silences--look at her, she's a big one, eh?
TAYLOR LITTLEFIELD: Certainly for this region- should we- let's try and call her over. Ahem (cooing sound) "I-like-your-sketch-comedy" (cooing sound) "That-seahorse-drawing-is-super-well-composed"...
GREGORY ARLINGTON: Here she comes! Seriously: look at the size of her! And it looks like our Flying Fuck is-- they seem to be in some kind of symbiotic relationship... We may be the lucky firsts to capture this natural wonder in the wild...
TAYLOR LITTLEFIELD: I'm going to try something, stay very very still- (cooing noise) "You-look-like-you've-lost-weight" (cooing noise) "Size-12?-we-don't-carry-plus-sizes"
GREGORY ARLINGTON: What are you doing??
TAYLOR LITTLEFIELD: Just watch- "Skinny-diet-stuff-weight-fashion-clothes-calorie-fat"... "Bridal-magazine-too-old-to-love-Drake-so-much-" Oh! There she goes!
GREGORY ARLINGTON: Gasp! She's--she's releasing them! She's releasing the Flying Fucks! It's an entire flock! Look at them- look at all those Flying Fucks!
(The sky is filled with a panoply of Fucks as they take flight, like a glorious fuck colored rainbow)
TAYLOR LITTLEFIELD: Oh, it's beautiful... (tear rolls down cheek, whispers) --it's so beautiful…