SO YOU’VE SUDDENLY LOST THE ROOM ON A SEXIST JOKE: A Guide for Male Comedians in 2018

Last night I witnessed a comic performer lose the room on a panel-style show with a throwaway joke about rape culture. 
He spent the rest of the night trying to win the audience back. It was a huge bummer.
In the past year this I have seen many male comedians in this predicament.
Guys, I can help.

SO YOU’VE SUDDENLY LOST THE ROOM ON A SEXIST JOKE
A Guide for Male Comedians in 2018
By Lizz Leiser

SO, you’ve made a little joke that is sexist, misogynist, rapey, or just makes light of ongoing women’s movements…. and the audience didn’t laugh. 
What the fuck? What do you do? I’ll tell you.

You see, I’m a lifelong fan of stand up comedy.
I’ve been watching comedians talk into a mic since Laura Kightlinger hosted Stand Up Stand Up during the birth of Comedy Central. 
I can recite all of Denis Leary’s first album “No Cure For Cancer”.
This means that there are many women like me who are sitting in your audience.

Women who grew up with the comedy stylings of: 
>Patrice O'Neal calling women “pathetic creatures who get penetrated”!
>Bill Burr’s fresh perspective on “But what was Rihanna doing to make Chris Brown hit her?” bit!
>Pre-skinny-”we can all do better”-Jim Jefferies long chunks on fingering passed out women!

Women who love stand up comedy know that when we watch a dude comedian there will usually be one or more of these old chestnuts: 
>Women just want to take men’s money!
>Fat women! Gross!
>Ugly women?? Whaaaaat?
>Hot chicks: I fuck ‘em!
>Hot chicks: Why won’t those whores fuck me??
>Hot chicks: Seriously, they just want to take your money!
>Hot chicks: Eventually they get fat and ugly!
>Blah blah blah, rape! 
>Titties make me ca-ray-zay! But women talkin?! Nah.
>Whatever, whatever, bitches be like whatever!

During these bits we either: 
>Astral-project ourselves to the Bahamas for a minute cause don’t wanna be the “uptight bitches who can’t take a joke” 
OR
>Half smile and wait it out because we fucking love stand up and know that hearing jokes about this shit is part of the deal.
OR
… and prepare to be shocked:
>WE FUCKING LAUGH!

Yes, we laugh if the joke is funny. I will most definitely laugh at the most misogynist sexist piece of shit rape culture joke. I will laugh if it’s well constructed and not just barfed up to be shocking. I will laugh if isn’t plucked from the low hanging branches of the cliches-about-bitches tree. 
I’ll laugh if it’s subverting the issue or if it’s self-awarely going over the top.
I’ll laugh if it’s woven into beautiful wordplay. 
I’ll laugh if it’s fucking funny for reasons that I can’t explain.
I’ll laugh because of course I’ll fucking laugh.
I am a motherfucking fan of stand up comedy.

BUT when you make jokes that aren’t that funny because they rely on shock value or cliche alone or are just weird art therapy anger poetry that is not a joke but really more of a statement because you’re mad you don’t get all that pussy you think you should be getting: I won’t laugh.

But not because I’m outraged. 
I am a well-trained Lady Audience Member. 
I know the difference between a joke and the person telling it. 
I also know what I’m getting into, I don’t expect you to do better.
But it doesn’t mean I have to laugh.

However, here we are in 2018. 
There has been a bit of a cultural shift. Yay. 
You may find more of the audience joining the women in their Bahamian island astral-projection during your go-to sexist jokes that always got a laugh. 
The men who have been giggling at your “all 18-year-old guys are rapey” chunk may have developed a little more empathy for all those bitches.

You may find yourself losing the room.

Here’s what you do: 

>DON’T assume the silence you are hearing is outrage. What you are hearing is the men in the audience who are either recently enlightened or just plain uncomfortable making the noise that women always make when comics make a misogynist/sexist/rapey comment that isn’t funny.

>DON’T get angry at the crowd for making the sound that audiences make when jokes don’t hit. That’s how comedy works.

>DON’T stop making jokes and try to justify or explain yourself and your personal journey. We don’t care. Move on.

>DON’T over-index on racism or some other social issue to prove your wokeness. You’re a comic. We don’t care. Next joke.

>DON’T get mad at the audience for being “oversensitive” or for “comedy being dead”. We are sitting there silently and not heckling you because we know this is what you’ll say. We just want a better joke. It’s not our fault you weren’t funny. 
Also: Comedy evolves! I bet there were a bunch of Vaudevillians lamenting having to cut their blackface routines. Times changes. Write new jokes or fuck off the stage.

>DON’T double down on the joke because you think at the rock bottom of the joke-hole there is a joke-well. I’ll tell you right now: there is, but the joke-well is full of dirty pity water and if you drink it you’ll get dysentery.

>DON’T make a joke about male privilege while exerting male privilege and think because you acknowledged it, you are excused from it. 
I don’t give a fuck if you adhere to wokeness on stage: it’s fucking comedy. 
But if you decide to brand yourself as a super-evolved feminist then think it excuses you to launch into misogynist jokes-- that’s you fucking yourself over in the setup.
You can’t tell me you want to give me a “Feminist Woke Handshake” then grab both of my tits and say “honk honk”.

>DO move onto the next joke. If it’s funny you’ll win us back, we will rejoin you from our mental island vacation. We are here for comedy. We want to laugh. Please. I’m so tired. I just want to laugh.

>DO write better jokes. If your old jokes aren’t funny, just write better jokes. If those aren’t funny then maybe go write for Adult Swim? I hear they love dudes.

>DO fucking take the silence and deal with it like the women in your audience have been dealing with your lazy sexist jokes for decades. 
Just fucking take it and don’t whine about it or lash out. 
Take it like a Patrice O’Neal joke about a pathetic pussy being pounded by out by a dick. 
Do you feel that? That’s the comedy dick pounding you out. Take it and shut the fuck up.

>DO know we want wild irreverent crass rule breaking comedy. There are lots of women fans in your audience and we are on your side. We want to laugh and we will.

As long as it’s fucking funny.