Ten Tubes Snakes

(LIZZ walks into store, approaches SALESPERSON)
LIZZ: Hello, can you please direct me to your black drapey sweaters? 
SALESPERSON: Of course! Are you interested in our "The Media Has Convinced Me That My Body is a Horrorshow and I Must Cover Up Because I am So Ashamed" collection or do you prefer the "If I Wear This I Will Be Invisible Even Though My Voice is Super Loud" line?
LIZZ: Oh, wow, I mean, I love both those designers! Does the Shame collection run big or small?
SALESPERSON: Well, it comes in three sizes, "Fat Roll Showcase", "Adjusting the Buttons All Day", and "Sweat Collector"
LIZZ: Great! I'll take five in Sweat Collector. 
Now, what about black elastic waist skirts?
SALESPERSON: Yassss! Just got a huge shipment! My favorites are the "Fits Fine for Three Months Then Goes Directly into the Garbage", the "You Think You'll Wear This But Actually No", the "Consumes Your Body Like a Tube Snake Whilst Becoming Inappropriately Short", and the classic, "Sure Whatever That's the Kind of Underwear I Wear Thongs are Uncomfortable So Just Deal with Seeing the Fucking Outline"!
LIZZ: Well, shit, grab me ten Tube Snakes! We are on a roll! What about some black cotton tops? 
SALESPERSON: Black tops! Hell yah! All stores have everything in black because this is America! Now the only question is which fit are you down with, "Look! My Bra", "Look! My Fat Parts Where My Belly and Tights Meet" ooorrr "Look! My Shirt is So Big Because My Boobs or Belly Pump Out Extra Hard Guess Which?"
LIZZ: I will take 11 of each style so that I may mix it up for fashion! Just one last thing: what about a pair of shoes that are stylish but also for summer but also comfortable but also appropriate for the office but also not something I'll destroy in two months and black and not stupid looking with a bunch of bullshit on them but maybe like a cool buckle or some shit?
SALESPERSON: Yes! Yes! Yes! Right here, these are from our newest brand they are the signature design, the "Someday We Will All Be Dead and None of This Will Matter and You Will Wish You Had Spent This Time With Your Loved Ones Instead of Shopping Which is a Bullshit Activity and It Sucks and Everything Sucks Here is a Six Pack of Corona Light"!!!
LIZZ: I will... I will take... all of them.