I went to a "Female Empowerment" seminar at an office where I was briefly working. It was entirely about how to balance being a mother and having a career.
I left empowered to spread the core values of the seminar to men who may be considering becoming a father while still maintaining their career.
Male Empowerment Seminar:
Read MoreOn the subway today a small blond child was weeping from the raw depths of her soul, screaming, "No, Mommy, no! I just wanna go home and read my book".
This touched me so I knelt beside her, smiled with kindness at her weary mother, and took her angel's face in my hands,
"Dear Child, " I said,
I was watching television. The following commercials ran in this order: concealer, mascara, some kind of make up that makes a woman's jawline more defined or some shit, conditioner for silkier ladies hair, and lastly an adorable spot for a chain restaurant that featured the trope about a husband gently chastising his wife because ladies take sooooo long to get ready.
Let's start a new trope
Read MoreACUPUNCTURIST: Lizz, how is the severe motion sickness that I’m treating you for?
LIZZ: Oh, actually little better. But, here’s the thing: I’m not sure this is fully working. See, I ran into one of my enemies the other day and I was like, “What’s up Enemy?! How you feeling? Are you feeling any sharp pains in your sinuses and neck and also in seemingly arbitrary places along your arms and legs??!” and they were like, “No. What are you talking about?”. I think we might need to try a different approach.
ACUPUNCTURIST: Wait. How do you think acupuncture works?
TAYLOR LITTLEFIELD (30s, male, the host of a national geographic style nature show, “Littlefield’s Kingdom”) and GREGORY ARLINGTON (30s, male, a guest co-host) make their way through a dense shrubbery and come across a clearing in a park where a WOMAN quietly reads a book and eats a sandwich sitting on a park bench.
TAYLOR LITTLEFIELD: Oh my goodness! Oh, my goodness, get down, get down! Ok, now, slowly if you turn to your right- you will see- oh! Isn't she majestic?!
Read MoreThis morning while grooming myself, I had an imaginary conversation with my imaginary-hypothetical female child.
Read MoreLIZZ: Hey, uh, Walgreens Drug Store
WALGREENS: Hey, LL what can I do you for?
LIZZ: So, I just bought a travel kit from you and it had all kinds of normal travel shit in it like shampoo and Kleenex and deodorant and, um, it was called a "Woman's Travel Kit". And I'm genuinely perplexed here because these things were pretty gender neutral...
